Monday, March 12, 2007

Cow Week: Day 2 -- Moo-nday Funnies

A Cow, a Sheep, and Pig walk into a Bar ...In honor of yesterday's post about the meat-eating cow, today is an assortment of cow related jokes to beef up the blog. I wouldn't steer you wrong, these cow jokes are udderly hilarious. I'd steak my word on it. No bull!

Okay, okay, I know the puns were bad, but remember ... Too err is human, to forgive, bovine.

I've milked this enough!

On with the jokes!

A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding."


There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and asked the bull, "Why didn't you fall down like the rest of the herd. The bull replied, "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."


I was driving through the country, and there were some cows by the side of the road. We've all done this: I leaned my head out of the car window, and yelled, "Moooooo!" Like we expect that cow to be thinking, "Hey, there's a cow driving that car! How can he afford that?"


Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.

Where do cows go when they want a night out?
To the moo-vies!

What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
Bull-dozin'

How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a Cowculator

What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
Ground Beef

What are a cows favorite subjects in school?
Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus

How do you know a cow is dyslexic?
It says "Oooooom"

What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat !!

Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?
They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!



The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the
range.

Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!”


“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”


Theres 2 cows in a field, One cow looks at the other cow and says "moo."
The other cow looks back and says "I was just going to say that"



A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?", asked the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"


And last, but not least ...

There were three cows,a Red cow, a Blue Cow, and a Yellow Cow, all of them, on one side of a an eighteen lane superhighway. One day, they were busy just grazing along, and they realized that they were out of grass . . . So they were thinking to themselves that if they could get to the OTHER side of this super highway, they could eat the grass over on the other side. So the Blue cow was thinking to himself, and he comes up with an idea. He walks over to the telephone pole, climbs up it, walks across the line, climbs down the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Red cow is thinking to himself that if the Blue cow could do it, so could he. He comes up with an idea and backs up away from the highway, runs, jumps, leaps over ALL 18 lanes, lands on the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Yellow cow, left all alone, is thinking to himself that if the Blue cow could do it and the Red cow could do it, then so could he. So he comes up with an idea, and he walks out into traffic. He gets run over by an 18 wheeler and dies. The Red cow turns to the Blue cow and says "Mooooooooo."

I think I may be playing Taurens too much in WoW ...



Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 71 days is:

$23,611,832,414,348,226,068.47

4 comments:

Dawn said...

Funny! The cowmedian was cute, too. Did you draw it?

Penguino pepper said...

I love all of them!!!! Really funny. Did you come up with them? Well, who cares. I still loved it.

Raivynn said...

I didn't come up with actual jokes. Well, some of the riddles I've made in the past, but so have hundreds of others, I'm sure.

I did not draw the cow image, Dawn. I swiped off a search of Google Images. It was grayscale, and I added the colors and textures, resized it, and added the text. :)

Doug E. Pudge said...

You know these even made my wife laugh! Not that that's a hard thing to accomplish but just a compliment to your comedic writings. B4T