Ninja Kitty Cattle Academy

Well, some dissatisfaction of the amount of Ninja Kitty posts has been voiced, so instead I bring you ... Ninja Cows!

The first Ninja Cow is not really a cow. It is one of the Ninja Kittys in disguise. His cover was almost blown while on a top secret mission in India. The locals were running a underground beef packing plant using all the sacred cows. The Ninja Kitty operative, disguised as one of those cows, was slated to be tenderized that day and he had to break cover to escape, using all of his hard earned Ninja Kitty skills to do so.

It was all caught on tape:


Next we have a true cow, trained under the auspices of the Ninja Kitty Academy (Now Accepting Initiates of ALL Species!), battling a roaming ronin. This was a final test for the Ninja Cow, who was unaware of this.


The test was an udder failure for Gray Zhing Cow. She milked her training for every trick she knew, but in the end, she made a fatal mis-steak. Her finishing moo-ve failed, and she was deflated, I mean, defeated.

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 123 days is:

$106,338,239,662,793,269,832,304,564,822,426,910.71

Pirate, Cat, & Cow (Special Guest Appearance by Camel)

I pulled a muscle in my right neck & shoulder area. So between pain medication and Thermacare Heat Wraps (love them!) I'm not in any mood to write a witty blog post.

Therefore, to keep the pirate and cow phenomenon going, I present to you a little known video by the classic stop-motion artiste, Qsponge! (Okay, it's just some kid who uploaded his little skit to YouTube, but I gotta work the spin on this, you know? ~.^)

Cow Eating Pirates

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 84 days is:

$193,428,131,138,340,667,952,988.15

Moo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Milk

Penguino Pepper complained I had two days of pirates followed by another with a cow in it. He seemed to bemoan the fact that, while he enjoyed cows, pirates were much more interesting.

So, Penguino, here's a cowtoon just for you! ~.^

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 83 days is:

$96,714,065,569,170,333,976,494.07

Quality Content

Here at Raivynn's Roost, we strive to bring you quality content for your personal entertainment. But, since I have other things needing to be done today, you get this instead:

And you thought Cow Week was done. Ha!

At least this one doesn't release any moo-thane.

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Note: We've reached the sextillions in the Penny Doubled Daily. This refers to six places beyond the thousands and is denoted by 10²¹. It has absolutely nothing to do with how many people will want to be intimate with you if you had this kind of money ... but I imagine the numerical value would be similar. ~.^

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 77 days is:

$1,511,157,274,518,286,468,382.71

Cow Week: Day 7 -- Even More Cowtoons

Double dose of cowtoony goodness today as Cow Week cowncludes and the little Irish in all of us gets to play on St. Patrick's Day! Enjoy!

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 76 days is:

$755,578,637,259,143,234,191.35

Cow Week: Day 6 -- More Cowtoons

Here is another trio of cowtoons. Enjoy!

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 75 days is:

$377,789,318,629,571,617,095.67

Cow Week: Day 5 -- Moo-thane Emissions

Come on .. you KNEW it had to be coming!

How can you can you have a Cow Week without a farting cow?

Written and Animated by: Dustin J. Elliott

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 74 days is:

$188,894,659,314,785,808,547.83

Cow Week: Day 4 -- Cowtoons

It's officially Cow Week here at the Roost!

After three days of cow related posts, I decided to continue with the theme all week. Lucky you!

Today we have several cowtoons!

The first one is one I found at a cow website, MotherCow.org.
It was cute, but not entirely funny. So I decided to try a few gags myself.



(Sorry, had to tie together this post with another one of mine! heehee)

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 73 days is:

$94,447,329,657,392,904,273.91

Cow Week: Day 3 -- Holy Cow! (Or, Is That Cow-y Hole?)

In keeping with the cow theme I inadvertently began this week, and because I have had a looooong morning, and because I typed a whole blog-sized comment on someone else's blog, here is a an innovative tattoo of the south-bound end of a north-bound cow.

One more comment: Is it just me, or is that the biggest belly-button hole you've ever seen? With hair in it, too! Hilariously disgusting.

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 72 days is:

$47,223,664,828,696,452,136.95

Cow Week: Day 2 -- Moo-nday Funnies

In honor of yesterday's post about the meat-eating cow, today is an assortment of cow related jokes to beef up the blog. I wouldn't steer you wrong, these cow jokes are udderly hilarious. I'd steak my word on it. No bull!

Okay, okay, I know the puns were bad, but remember ... Too err is human, to forgive, bovine.

I've milked this enough!

On with the jokes!

A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding."

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There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and asked the bull, "Why didn't you fall down like the rest of the herd. The bull replied, "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."

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I was driving through the country, and there were some cows by the side of the road. We've all done this: I leaned my head out of the car window, and yelled, "Moooooo!" Like we expect that cow to be thinking, "Hey, there's a cow driving that car! How can he afford that?"

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Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.

Where do cows go when they want a night out?
To the moo-vies!

What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
Bull-dozin'

How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a Cowculator

What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
Ground Beef

What are a cows favorite subjects in school?
Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus

How do you know a cow is dyslexic?
It says "Oooooom"

What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat !!

Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?
They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the
range.

Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

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Theres 2 cows in a field, One cow looks at the other cow and says "moo."
The other cow looks back and says "I was just going to say that"

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A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?", asked the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"

And last, but not least ...

There were three cows,a Red cow, a Blue Cow, and a Yellow Cow, all of them, on one side of a an eighteen lane superhighway. One day, they were busy just grazing along, and they realized that they were out of grass . . . So they were thinking to themselves that if they could get to the OTHER side of this super highway, they could eat the grass over on the other side. So the Blue cow was thinking to himself, and he comes up with an idea. He walks over to the telephone pole, climbs up it, walks across the line, climbs down the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Red cow is thinking to himself that if the Blue cow could do it, so could he. He comes up with an idea and backs up away from the highway, runs, jumps, leaps over ALL 18 lanes, lands on the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Yellow cow, left all alone, is thinking to himself that if the Blue cow could do it and the Red cow could do it, then so could he. So he comes up with an idea, and he walks out into traffic. He gets run over by an 18 wheeler and dies. The Red cow turns to the Blue cow and says "Mooooooooo."

I think I may be playing Taurens too much in WoW ...

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 71 days is:

$23,611,832,414,348,226,068.47

Cow Week: Day 1 -- Cow-nivore, the Chicken Eating Cow

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape the chicken-eating cow!

In Chandipur, India there is a 1-year-old calf that eats live chickens.

Now, to my knowledge, cows are herbivores. They don't eat the flesh of other animals. They eat grass, or hay, or maybe vegetables. They don't eat meat.

This cow does.

The calf, and his owner, are now local celebrities in India. They've been featured on Indian television, so I expect YouTube will have videos of this carnivorous cow chewing cackling chicken pretty soon. (None as of now ... I looked. ~.^)

I have my own theory on what is happening.

Chick-Fil-A has long had an advertising campaign where cows urge people to "Eat Mor Chikin". The calf is simply a victim of high pressure marketing.

I imagine he was lazing about in his little baby-cow paddock one day, watching some television, and thoughtfully chewing his cud, when a Chick-Fil-A commercial came on. Here, right before his eyes, were other cows. On television! And, they weren't part of some dairy product or hamburger commercial. And, they were telling him -- HIM! -- to eat more chicken.

The calf was probably sick of hay and grass, and thought, well if the television cows told me to do it, it must be good. So off he gamboled off to waylay a hapless hen.

He must have enjoyed it, because he kept chewing on chickens. I don't really know what his thoughts were at the time he began partaking of poultry. It may have had to do with dipping sauces.

I have another theory.

The calf may have been penned up near the chicken coop.

He was subjected to the hens cackling and the roosters cock-a-doodle-dooing. All day. All night. Every day. For a year.

It was then he decided to add some protein to his diet.

You see, by then, the calf had gone clucking mad.

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Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 70 days is:

$11,805,916,207,174,113,034.23