Small Medium at Large

No, this post isn't about a short stature psychic on the lam.

It's about my call to Pizza Hut this holiday weekend to order lunch. The girl answering the local delivery hub's phone was pleasant and cheery. She seemed happy to take my order and things went smoothly until she asked me what size pizza I wanted.

"Small," I confidently answered.

"We only have Medium, Large, and Extra-Large," pizza girl informed me.

Now, seems to me if you have 3 sizes of pizza, the smallest of those would be Small, not Medium. I rolled my eyes and and clarified my statement.

"I'd like the smallest size you have."

"That would be Medium," she shot back, still with a smile in her voice.

"Okay, a small Medium."

"Ma'am, Medium is our smallest." I thought I detected a smidgen of exasperation creeping into her tone.

"Fine. Medium then," I carefully told her. I swear she sighed in relief. "Your small Medium pizza."

I counted to three before she replied. It sounded like through gritted teeth, yet still with a now forced cheeriness. "The Medium pizza is not small. It's pretty big."

"Oh!" I exclaimed excitedly. "So the small Medium is large?"

"Um ..." I knew I had her on the ropes then.

"Yeah, that sounds great. I want the small Medium large pizza." You could feel the tension through the phone receiver. Her mental cogs were churning, her eyes were rolling, her lips were pressed thin, and her finger were tightening around the pen, threatening to snap it. Or, so I envisioned.

"Ma'am, was that a Medium or Large size pizza you wanted? We don't have Small."

"Yes."

"Um ..."

"The small Medium large pizza."

"Maybe I should get my manager?"

"No need," I smiled into the phone, "We can work this dilemma out, I'm sure. I want a Medium pizza, which is your smallest size, yet is still pretty large."

"You want Medium size?"

"That's what I've been saying."

"Okay," she paused. "I'm sorry ... for the ... confusion."

"Don't worry about it. A small Medium large is exactly what I want. I'm glad we're on the same page now."

"Um ... yeah. Thanks. Is there anything else today?" Cheer was guardedly slipping back into her voice.

"Yeah, A pan pizza, mushrooms, onions, sausage, bell peppers."

"What size did you want that?" I'm sure the question slipped out in rote fashion.

"Medium Large, please."

I got at least 5 seconds of silence on that one.

I do so love boring Monday holidays! ~.^

So how was your Labor Day?