Sunday, April 22, 2007

Secret Ninja Kitty Training Video

My Roost spies have uncovered a super-secret ninja kitty training facility in the U.S. This surveillance video was obtained only with great danger and great cost.

The sheer horror of watching the unfeeling humans forcing the kittens into this life-or-death, winner-takes-all combat is almost unbearable to watch. Even when one of the ninja kitties (Codename: Tigerlilly) tries to escape, she is ruthlessly snatched and tossed back into the bloody fray.

You can see, in the upper left corner of the video, the meanest, toughest, most vile ninja kitty of them all: Black Lotus. While his other co-ninja kitties fight tooth and claw, he stays apart from the vicious melee, awaiting his chance to pounce on the tired and weakened winner of the ongoing brawl, thus emerging the victor through guile and unfettered strength! See how he casually licks his paw in quiet contemplation of the carnage he is about to unleash? How he feigns clumsiness and incompetence by falling ponderously on his side? Soon, his claws will strike, his teeth will shred, and his enemies shall fall like sheaves of fresh catnip to the mighty reaper that is Black Lotus!

While Black Lotus bides his time, you can plainly see how the human taskmasters taunt one of the ninja kitty trainees (Codename: Ghost Pouncer) with sharp jabs to the tummy and head, followed by an excruciating crushing of his fore paw in a taloned, vice-like grip. He is then given the Mark of Dishonor along his leg and head as a badge of shame for not fighting with more viciousness.

The video ends just as Tigerlilly makes a move against Black Lotus, whose mastery of the kitty ninja arts is so strong he merely blinks and sends his erstwhile foe violently tumbling out of the battle arena.



WARNING: The above video is so cute you might have to go watch a violently gory horror movie to counter-balance the sheer adorablocity of the kittenish ramblege. (I know those aren't real words, but they fit the video's cuteonomic level.)



Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 112 days is:

$51,922,968,585,348,276,285,304,963,292,200.63

No comments: