Toot-Tone: The Greatest Invention Ever?

The audio is a little soft, you may have to turn up the volume slightly.


I'll never hear a ring-tone the same way again!

Thinking on it, I wonder if there are ring tones that make fart noises? What a great prank that would be to download it into your friends phone, set it to default, then call him when he's in a public place!

How to Untangle Earphones

Below is an easy, step-by-step video on how to untangle earphones from MP3 players and other devices.



I wanted to post this last night, but was too tired. This morning I find out it's one of those new viral videos, even getting featured on G4's Attack of the Show. Even the YouTube video jumped up almost 40,000 hits since I saw it and wanted to post.

*sigh*

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride! ~.^

Another Fine Chinese Product

This is a Chinese made bubble blower called Bubble Breezer (or Bub L Breezer). Yes, he blow bubbles out of his butt. No, I'm not providing a link to where you can get one. You'll know how to find one if you really wanted one ... not that anyone would. Right?

Besides, with all the Chinese recalls lately, you'd be lucky if this thing didn't blow up in your face, or create leaded bubbles.

This product might explain doggy breath:


It can't be be any worse than the possible upcoming US introduction of the well-made Chinese automobile manufacturer Chery Amulet. See how well it fares in a standard crash test.

That's pure quality there, folks! You just don't get full body accordion crumple like that in American cars these days. (Technically, that was a Russian crash test demonstration of the Chery Amulet).

Chrysler has inked a deal with Chery to begin selling its cars here in the US. Mainly compact and sub-compact cars in the $10,000 to $15,000 range. And, yes, they will still make money on such cheap automobiles manufactured in China and shipped to the US. [cite]

Chrysler is going to have to do a Hell of a job selling this piece of crap to the American public. Oh, sure, they will likely get it up to American safety standards. But, the stigma of being Chinese made, especially after the recent spate of dangerous Chinese made recalls, will make most people think more than twice about buying one. The viral video above will be burned into a lot of peoples' consciousness. The Buy American segment will surely use any and all manner and media to discredit the purchase of these cars.

We're a ways off from seeing them in the US, and Chrysler is probably more interested in growing their brand name in foreign markets, where these cars, even in current state, would sell nicely. Still, the US market could use a reasonably priced, safe, fuel efficient small car (think VW Bug a few decades back.)

Time will tell. Maybe these Chery built cars will be a good thing.

And, maybe it'll blow bubbles out of its tail pipe!

Hiccup, Hiccough, Hic-Cup?

There you are, at a romantic dinner with your date. The night is going well; the food is excellent, your conversation is smooth and witty, no spinach is in your teeth, no spills have occurred. Your date seems impressed and very, very interested. You smile, reach across the table to take your date's hand warmly in your own. You open your mouth to share the special connection you are feeling, and instead of sweet words of love ... HICCUP!

A hiccup (or hiccough in some circles) can be caused by many things; spicy food, laughing, eating too quickly, even nervousness. It is an involuntary spasm of the diaphragm creating a sudden rush of air into the lungs forcing the glotis (the space between vocal chords) to close. This makes the distinct hiccuping sound we all know and laugh at. Typically, hiccups go on for several minutes; though they can be a one time deal, usually caused by a fast swallow of a cold drink or during coughing fits.

The proper medical term for hiccups is Singultus, though that word seems rarely used. Hiccup was first used in 1530 and is an onomatopoeia, an imitation of natural sounds by words.

The Guinness World Records holder of the Longest Attack of Hiccups is Charles Osborne. He hiccuped for approximately 68 years between 1922 and 1990, with an estimated 430 million hiccups during that period. He died in 1991, barely a year after he ceased hiccuping, at nearly 98 years old.

Recently, Jennifer Mees, a St. Petersburg, Florida girl, suffered a severe case of hiccups which lasted 5 weeks, from January 23, 2007 until February 28, 2007. She was showcased on national television and local radio stations. In the video clip below you can learn just how constant hiccuping affected her life.



After a week of not hiccuping, Jennifer began to hiccup again on March 6, 2007 and is now on medication for it.

During Jennifer Mees' bouts of incessant hiccuping, many home remedies were recommended.

The one which made me laugh the most is a device called the Hic-Cup.

The company claims the device works by calming the Vagus and Phrenic nerves. I'll let an excerpt from the Hic-cup website explain:

"The superficially coursing Vagus and Phrenetic nerves are known by medical science to be the pathway and root cause of hiccups. Through the use of natural galvanic action, a mild ion flow is created that initiates a sub-sensory bio-electric therapy. The liquid in the Hic-Cup is also Ionized by the galvanic action, adding to the potential for successful stimulation of the responsible nerves. It is believed that the “hiccup” nerves are “re-set” by this natural ion flow that you cannot feel, and that this reliably ends the distressing spasms. " [cite]

This is done by drinking from the cup normally, with the brass rod running along the side of your face up to your temple.

Sure, it looks fairly stupid, but is it any worse than some of the home remedies people try now? Breathing into a paper sack, having the hiccups scared out of you, eating tablespoons of sugar, jumping up and down ... literally dozens of home-brew, sure-fire remedies of dubious efficacy exist.

I don't know if this device actually works as claimed. But, for about $20 you can buy one, try it for 30 days, and return it for a refund if it doesn't, according to the Hic-Cup website.

I'll stick my own. self-devised remedy.

Stand flat-footed, with feet together. Raise both arms over your head, stretching your chest and abdomen as you do. Tilt your head back as far as you comfortably can, with your mouth wide open, as if yawning. Take several deep breaths, then hold your breath for 30 seconds, or as long as you can.

It sounds as ridiculous as the device above, but it tends to work for myself and my kids most of the time. I don't know why, I don't know how, and I have no clue what made me come up with the routine. But it didn't run me $20, and I don't look any dumber doing it than anything else I do in the course of a day. ~.^

---

Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 102 days is:

$50,706,024,009,129,176,059,868,128,215.03

Pop the Tank and Pop a Pill

America is pill crazy.

We have pills to help you sleep, pills to help you stay awake. We have pills to help you lose weight and pills to help you bulk up. We have pills for depression, anxiety, and psychoses. There are pills for aches. There are pills for pains. Pills to aid your sex life. Pills to stop smoking. Pills to grow hair. Pills to give you better gas mileage.

What?

Pills for better gas mileage?

Now, I think things may have gone too far.

Fuel Freedom International (FFI) is touting a new capsule that you pop into your car's fuel tank to "[burn] fuel more cleanly and quickly."

This new automotive wonder-drug is called MPG-CAP™. Small, brown pills in a blister-pack that look a bit like compressed sawdust, or maybe some of that organic, herbal stuff you find in the "hippie" aisle of your local drug store. (Not that organic herb pills are bad, I use Golden Seal myself).

FFI claims, in layman's terms, that MPG-CAP™ works similar to how a non-stick frying pan works. It coats "the combustion chamber of your engine with sacrificial catalytic coating." This basically means it will help keep gunk from forming in your cylinders, which they claim will give you better performance and more gas mileage by running smoother and cleaner.

You pop the "recommended dosage" into your gas tank. The fuel carries the dissolved compounds into your engine, and coats the inside cylinders through heat activation via the combustion process. Their website uses a lot of fancy terms like "infinite nano-phase surface area" and "in cylinder rate shaping." The above teflon-coating analogy was also paraphrased from their site, so at least FFI realizes big terms might make the heads hurt of people who might actually use this.

FFI also claims their product is not an additive like other purported fuel system treatments, rather it is an "engine efficiency supplement."

I don't know about you, but if you ADD it to your fuel via the gas tank, it is an additive.

I doubt this product works as claimed, and tests done by independent agencies showed no conclusive proof that MPG-CAP™ increased gas mileage or engine performance.

I just thought the idea of giving you car a pep pill was hilarious!

---

Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 88 days is:

$3,094,850,098,213,450,687,247,810.55

The Nose Knows - Fart Detector

Yup. Sick again. Another earache. Well, Eustachian tube infection, again, to be technical. I'll probably be going to the doc-in-the-box, again, for meds.

That means you get a good ol' fart post. Ain't I a stinker?

If I were a stinker, you could use this to find out for sure. It's a working Fart Detector from Cornell. It'll detect methane gas in the room and provide you with a loud warning when someone has cut the cheese. (Assuming the flatulent friend didn't blow his own foghorn, that is).

You still won't know who did the deed, but it might provide you enough time to hold your nose and move away from the offending odor.

I'd call this a gag gift, but it might actually prevent gagging.

---

Today's Penny Doubled Daily Cumulative Amount for 46 days is:

$703,687,441,776.63

PetSpa Advanced Pet Care (Or, How Not to Wash a Cat)

A pet care company has created a new way to wash your pets. Basically, it is a large, free standing washing machine. Sort of like an enclosed mini shower. Well, just watch this video someone took and you'll see.


(If the video above does not show or load, click HERE to view it at Youtube.)

I don't know whether to laugh my ass off or feel bad for the poor cat. The choice of background music is perfect, though. ^.^;;

PetSpa, the creators of this pet washer cum torture chamber, has been assiduously trying to get this video disabled from being embedded off YouTube and other video hosters. I suppose they do not want the damning video spread all over the Internet ... too late. It's all over the place, and I'm only one of thousands who have spotlighted this video on a blog or other website.

PetSpa claims this method reduces stress on the pet. The claim for less stress on the animal comes from the fact the animal is not restrained or physically held down by someone. Also, the water jets provide a "hydro-massage" that relaxes your pet.

Yeah, that cat looks calm and serene to me. No stress there. Nope. He is just doing ... err ... cat aerobics. Yeah, that's it. Cat aerobics. Now he'll be clean AND exercised!

PetSpa also claims their product will "reduce risks on pets and staff". I suppose this is again due to the lack of restraining of the pets. The cabin (as they call it) is pretty big, and it does have nice airflow. Just big enough for them to flail around in confused terror. The last time I went spastic and flailed around in an enclosed space, I didn't hurt myself ... much. And, I worry for the safety of any exposed flesh on the person who has to get the animal out. You could just open the door and let them bolt out, I guess, but if you're using this in a grooming shop I doubt you want the animal running loose in the store.

Kidding aside, all accounts I've read of this device state the pets do get exceptionally cleaner, and no real harm comes to them. (They might be emotionally traumatized, however). Too, nervous animals may become used to the process with repeated washings over time. Dogs also seem to be much less fazed by the device than cats. PetSpa states you can wash other small pets in it, but they are not named and no reports mentioned testing with non cats or dogs.

I bet wasching a gerbil or hamster in that thing would be entertaining. I wouldn't try it on a bird, I think. You could wash your kids in it, though. Here's proof direct from the PetSpa website:


I've not found pricing on the PetSpa website, but there is a ton of information there, and even videos you can watch. Not as entertaining as the one above, though.

The Top 10 Coolest (or Weird) Inflatables!

Inflatables, the vinyl frontier. These are the voyages of the blogship Raivynn's Roost. Her five hour mission: to explore strange new websites. To seek out new gadgets and new crazy blow-ups. To boldly blog them as they've never been blogged before.

Yeah, I know this was posted late, but gimme a break. It's a huge, frikkin' article. I'm sure you'll find the delay more than worth your time. I mean, c'mon ... Top 10 Inflatables? What's not to like?

I know what you are thinking.

No. I did not put any of the, err ... "adult" inflatables on this list. I wouldn't know where to start, for one thing. I sure ran into more than I wanted while researching for this post, though. There actually are two inflatable dolls, a man and a woman, that I seriously debated about putting on the list. Not sex toys, but I was afraid someone might think they were. So, while not on the Top 10 list, the Inflatable Husband and Inflatable Wife get honorable mention here.

Without further ado ... The Top 10 Coolest (or Weird) Inflatables!

#10 Inflate-A-Potty

Ever been a long car trip with kids? They gotta go at the most inconvenient times. Usually ten minutes after you left the last rest stop or nearest town exit. And, then, assuming you do stop on the side of road to avoid needing new upholstery and two dozen pine tree air fresheners, the kid won't go standing in the bushes or grass.

Inflate-A-Potty to the rescue!

Just take the blow-up mini-toilet out of it's bright blue bag, wrap your mouth around the removable extension tube, and proceed to huff and puff until the beach ball sized hunk of plastic inflates. Yeah, removable extension tube or not, I love to place my mouth near toilets as much as I can. (Actually, it sorta reminds me of my drinking days and the visits to Ralph's Porcelain Throne).

And, you just KNOW that as you gasp that last puff of air into the thing, and your head is swimming, and your heart is pounding, and the sweat is trickling between your shoulder blades, your kid will say, "I don't hafta go anymore."

That's when you realize the Inflate-A-Potty makes a great hat for kids.

Oh, there is an adult size version, too. For when your passengers think they are flying Incontinental Airlines.

[You can read more at the Inflate-A-Potty website]

#9 AK Creature, World's First Furry Inflatable Chair

Inflatable furniture has been around a while. I even ran across several in my web travels looking for cool inflatables. Most seemed to be big armchairs emblazoned with sports team logos. Or, beer logos. And, an abundance of inflatable kid sized furniture can be found, in pinks and blues, with Barbies or Nemo on them.

This creature, however, is just cool and weird enough to stand out from the rest.

AK Creature comes in three distinct colors: Yeti, Mammoth, and Primate. Or, white, brown, and black, if you prefer to be pedestrian about your color names. The Yeti and Mammoth versions appear to have longer fur on them than the Primate one.

Both the fur and leather are fake, if you were wondering. So, if you have the overpowering urge to sit inside a fuzzy creature, and this chair just isn't cutting it for you, you'll have to disembowel your own cow, bear, or tauntaun and crawl inside. (Hey, if it worked for Luke ...)

The chairs are around 3 feet to a side and about 2½ feet tall. No mention on the weight capacity it can tolerate. If it explodes when you sit on it, you are probably too fat.

I imagine pets with claws might pose a hazard to these sittable critters. The fur might scare them off, though. Or, worse, it might excite them. The upside is Spot gives your leg a break for a while. Be hell cleaning them after.

[You can see more at AK Design]

#8 Inflatable Massage Chair

Continuing on the inflatable sittable theme is the Inflatable Massage Chair.

This thing would be great! It's pretty cheap compared to the real massage chairs or even those cushion looking massagers you can put on normal chairs. (Though I imagine this is an instance of you get what you pay for).

It comes in a bag, inflates in less than two minutes, and can go almost anywhere. Anywhere within about 6 feet of an electrical outlet, that is. Which is probably a good thing. Cuz you know some damned fool idiot would try floating around his pool on it while being massaged.

"Hey, where's Billy Bob, ma?" "He went down to the pool with his new blow-up mayssage chair." "Why're the lights flickering, ma?" "Don't rightly know. You smell that? Smells like burnt wet dog."

The chair looks comfortable, and it sorta looks like a leather chair. The black color is nice. The seat dimensions are 22" x 23". If your ass is bigger than 2 feet square you will have problems sitting in it. Well, you might be able to squeeze some giganto-buns in it, but the chair will come with you when you stand up. And be prepared for all that squitch squeetch sound you get when vinyl meets flesh.

With two massage areas (butt and back), 3 intensity settings (mmmm, ahhh, and oh oh Oh OH OH!!!), a timer, and an attached wired remote, this inflatable chair has it all. Well, except heat with the massage. Then you'd only get to use it once, but could carry the melted PVC scars as mementos of your time together for the rest of your life.

It has a repair kit that comes with it, too. Very reassuring.

[It's all over the web, but you can find it HERE, too.]

#7 Inflatable Sumo Costumes

Have you ever felt like gaining a few hundred pounds, pulling your hair into a ponytail, and wear a diaper? Well now you can!

The inflatable sumo costume is made from nylon. The same material used for most of those annoying inflatable lawn decorations that spring up across the neighborhood like a biblical plague around Christmas time. This is not a vinyl or PVC suit. For that you'll need to turn off your NetNanny and find some websites that have a few X's in their names.

Nope, the Sumo suit is inflated around you by a concealed battery pack and fan. You step into it, fasten it up around you, slap the fake sumo hair hat on your head, and turn on the fan. Within seconds you are ready to go E. Honda on your friends.

Well, okay, so you don't gain any super Sumo powers, and if you tried to Sumo in the costume you'd probably hurt yourself and rip the suit. But don't let that stop you from waddling around, grunting poorly accented Japanese words, or flailing your hand in people's faces and yelling, "Hundred Hand Slap".

You can also eat more than you should while at the costume party. Just tell everyone you're bulking up for your next match.

[You can find similar suits all over; this one is from Boystuff.com]

#6 Floating Iceberg

You can't have a Top 10 list of inflatables without having some cool water toys. Aviva Water Toys has some great stuff, and this is one of them.

The iceberg is 14 feet tall at it's peak. Three of the sides are basically inclined climbing walls, with varying degrees of difficulty. The fourth side is a wide slide back down into the water, so you can redo it all over again. It doesn't appear it'd be easy to simply relax on it; you might get one person teetering on the top for a while. And it seems perfect for a good round of King of the Mountain. Few things are more fun than throwing your friends off tall objects, especially when they don't die and you can throw them off again.

This floating, climbable island is 20' long x 14'wide x 14' tall and weighs a whopping 340 lbs.. It also weighs in at a whopping $6,645.95 US. And, that's on sale! Obviously this isn't your typical backyard pool toy.

It's unlikely most backyard swimming pools could safely accommodate the iceberg. Lakes seem to be their intended location. I suppose a rather large swimming pool, Olympic sized or so, might be big enough so when people fall off it, and they will fall off it, they don't crack their skulls open on the patio deck and ruin your otherwise pleasant day.

I think it'd be too unstable to use in the ocean. Well, maybe if you were pretty far out in the calmer areas beyond the breakwaters. Plus, you'd have to keep an eye out for large, unsinkable passenger vessels. I don't think the world could handle Celine Dion singing about another sea disaster.

[Aviva doesn't sell direct, but you can get one HERE]

#5 Giga Ball & Mega Giga Ball

Now this one is just cool.

Created by Kidz Kraze, this inflatable, bumby ball allows kids to push it, punch it, kick it, jump on it, and roll around inside of it.

Yup, kids can crawl inside the great, big, inflatable yellow booger-like ball and roll around like a spastic hamster on acid. It has a padded interior (duh, its inflated) that keeps kids safe as they play human pinball and knock their friends and nearby adults on their keisters.

The Giga Ball is 51 inches diameter, and the Mega Giga Ball is 84 inches around. Small to medium sized adults might be able to squeeze into the Mega Giga Ball. A few minutes of rolling around in it and you come out stumbling, dazed, and feeling like you want to puke. You won't need beer anymore with the Mega Giga Ball!

Many places sell them, mostly at the same price of around $60 for the Giga and $100 for the Mega Giga. Just google it and take your pick.

Coming soon is the Ultra Super Jumbo Uber Mega Giga Ball. It'll seat 4 adults and comes with it's own in-ball hostess and has cold beverages of your choice on tap (up to 1). Connect your iPods to the built in surround sound acoustical system, or watch the optional 21" plasma screen, HD TV. You can now roll, bounce, and enjoy the comforts of life in the NEW Ultra Super Jumbo Uber Mega Giga Ball. look for it soon at fine retailers near you!

[I'm joking, the Ultra Super Jumbo Uber Mega Giga Ball doesn't exist ... yet]

#4 Human Foosball

Have you ever been at a foosball table, impatiently awaiting your turn at the rods? Watching as the other guys hog the table and take forever to score, your hands sweaty as you tightly grip them around imaginary playing rods, eyes flickering back and forth following the ball. The ball you know you can make dance across the playing field like Gene Kelly. Like a ninja Gene Kelly, moving like a ghost, fast and untouchable, singing in the rain.

No? Me neither.

But for those of you who ever might have, comes Human Foosball. Now, you can put yourself into the game!

Actually, this looks like fun. Especially for those with a bondage fetish.

Depending on the human foosball inflatable, up to 10 people strap themselves into harnesses attached to padded foam tubes over a rod. This keeps players from going in the wrong sections and minimizes physical contact. Yet it allows for limited movement in specific zones, just like real foosball. You probably want to make sure the structure is securely fastened to the ground somehow. Ten people throwing themselves from side to side like epileptic soccer players is sure to shake the thing something fierce.

I can see this used in those lame and pointless team building events companies like to inflict on their workers. Force your peons strap themselves in, making sure to put people who don't get along well next to each other on the same rod. Throw in a ball and try to keep from laughing too hard.

Most human foosball makers suggest a beach all style ball. You could use a regular soccer ball, but that might hurt not being able to dodge when it comes flying at your unprotected face (or groin). On second thought, use the soccer ball. Make your wage slaves suffer for all the mean things you saw them call you when you spied on their interoffice e-mails.

Just google human foosball and find a seller you like. Lots of different styles out there, at widely varied prices. You likely get what you pay for.

#3 Inflatable Television

You've probably seen or heard about this cool inflatable by now.

Watch big screen television almost anywhere you want. Pool party, hot tubbing, backyard BBQs, even your own living room. It works with most projectors (not included) and comes with weatherized outdoor speakers and 30' of audio cables. This is the 8' screen, but there is an even larger 12' one available. And, there are other makes and models of this fast trending inflatable out there for the looking.


Prices for these run around a grand for the smaller models. You can get them cheaper if you get the ones without integrated speakers. I've not seen any that come with a projector, which can cost you anywhere from $500 up to $2000 or more. Extra. Realistically, you're looking at about $1500 minimum for a basic setup. Not too bad, but not too good either.

The real question is how is the quality of the image and sound?

Sound depends on your speakers. If you have a Bose surround sound system set up, you'll get good sound. If you use the typically included integrated speakers ... it's no worse than most big screen TVs' built in speakers.

Image depends partly on your projector. The better the projector, the better the image. Screen type used on whatever model inflatable TV you have matters, too. Some have standard screens, some have those high tech silvery screens you see in good movie theaters. A lot also depends on the lighting.

I've actually seen one of these in use. While it was still daylight, the image was faint and dusty looking, even with a pretty good setup avoiding direct sunlight on the screen. As dusk fell and day turned to night, the image became crisper, more colorful. Same principle if you have a lot of lights on in the room while watching TV inside, but more exaggerated due to sunlight.

If you like to entertain out of doors, then this might be a great purchase. Instead of having all your buddies trample over the furniture and spill beer on the new couch and carpet when watching the World Series, they can do it on your lawn. And there's not much to break by leaping about like an idiot, or tossing a football around. You can get more people comfortably watching, too. Use those Creature chairs from above.

If you're real picky about who goes in the house, use the Inflate-A-Potties, too. ;)

Oh, and make sure to stake the thing down good. A good gust of wind and your very expensive air-filled television is now wrapped around Mrs. Stodgmyers prize rose bushes and you'll never know if that big monkey drops the girl off that big building.

#2 Giant Water Trampoline and Slide

How cool is this? Your own personal island getaway in the middle of a lake.

Okay, it has a trampoline in the middle. And, there is a slide shooting down off the side. And, all the kids (and plenty of adults) want to bounce and splash and scream and yell and frolick and play on it.

Just go push everyone off. It's not like it'll hurt them. There's water all around for them to land in. Soft, forgiving water. Unless they can't swim. And forgot their lifevest. Or got tangled up in one the half dozen mooring lines. Then you'll wish you bounced and splashed and screamed and yelled and frolicked and played right along with them.

They won't have one of these in prison. The shower is too small. But, you'll be too busy trying not to drop your soap to miss it too much.

Anyhow, this behmeoth is made by Aqua Sports Technology and is called the Island Hopper. It's about 25' across and rides about 5' above the water on the deck and trampoline. Its price tag equals its size. The setup above will run you $4000 or more.

There's a ton of cool stuff at SkiDiscounters.com where I found this little gem. Enough to make your own mini water park on the lake. If you were rich. And had a lake. Add in some sharks with laser eyes and watch the fun!

#1 Sportsstuff Sumo Ski Tube & the Inflatable Church (TIE)

I couldn't make up my mind which I liked best. Each is cool in different ways, and a little weird, too. So I picked both. Besides Top 11 list doesn't have the same ring to it as Top 10.

The Inflatable Church is made by Innovations Xtreme. It is a huge inflated edifice about 16' to a side and 39' tall at it highest point. It's decorated like an old-time cathedral both in and out. Including plastic stained glass windows, inflatable organ, altar, pulpit, pews, candles, angels and gold cross.

You can have it set up anywhere its size allows. You only have to worry about the church getting to YOU on time. And, of course, availability in your area. I don't think it's here in the United States, yet. It is very beautiful inside and out, for an inflated sculpture.

I'd name my air blower Holy Spirit and print it on the side of it. That way I could inflate the building and tell every one the church has been filled by the Holy Spirit.

If you're one of those types who thinks churches are full of hot air anyway, the second tied for first place inflatable might be for you.

The Sumo Ski Tube by Sportsstuff is a towable water toy.

Sure, it looks like a weird Easter egg or some sort of giant, malformed Jujube. And, it also looks like a bad spill while in this thing could rip a limb or your head off as you careen around the lake, dragged by a speedboat. Too, one wonders if escaping the Sumo Tube is easy in an emergency, or will it become a garishly inflated coffin as you slowly drown inside it.

I imagine they couldn't market it if it weren't fairly safe. And, it does look hella fun.

I could never get the hang of water skiing. I'd always fall off the fast towed banana boats, too. But I bet I could tool around in this thing without swallowing too much water.

The Sumo Tube is 33" around and 38" tall. I imagine you either kneel or sit inside somehow, your arms and head poking out like a hatchling still stuck in its egg. You grasp the included 60' tow bar and ZOOOOM ... off you go.

Yeah, it looks like fun, but I'm pretty sure you'd have rinse it out after me before you got in. Or, maybe I could sit on an Inflate-A-Potty inside it?

They Should Have Code Named It Ronald

The US government has gone and created an honest to goodness ray gun. Our soldiers are now (or will soon be) equipped with a directional energy-based weapon. Science fiction has become science fact, and the world somehow seems a scarier place to me.

Actually, I heard about this technology back in late 2005, but it was only in development. Word of it had actually leaked out in error to some activist group trying to obtain documents about biological testing via the Freedom of Information Act. Apparently it had been in development since sometime in 2001 (or earlier).

The technical name for the ray gun is the "Active Denial System", or ADS. It works by firing out millimeter waves, very similar to microwaves, at around 95 GHz range. These energy waves are invisible (to the naked eye) and can penetrate human skin no more than 1/64 of an inch. This is 0.015624 inches, or 0.04 cm (just under half a millimeter). The millimeter waves then excite the water molecules in the skin to around 130 degrees Fahrenheit (around 55 C).

So, is this really a Heat Ray?

Those who have experienced it has stated it feels like a light bulb was pressed against their skin. I know from experience that hot light bulbs burn like the dickens. I've left flesh on more than one incandescent glass hell bulb. When I was little, I even cooked with them in my Easy Bake Oven! (Ok, ok ... I also had one of those mad monster bug creator things that used light bulbs, too).

So, maybe this is really a Pain Ray?

Anyhow, no actual damage is caused by the ADS. Or, so they say. Non-lethal deterrent is the term they use. I bet you could cook a hot dog with it, though.

"Hey, Private! Break out the Ballparks. We're gonna have us a weenie roast!"

"But, Sarge, we can't light no fires or the enemy will spot us."

"That's okay, Private. Just go stand over there and hold them franks out a bit. This may smart a little."

Actually, the range on the ADS is around 500 yards, or about a half kilometer. This is well under the range of most small arms fire, thus allowing deterrent with minimal to no risk to the ADS operators or nearby troops. And, it'll penetrate thick clothing to get to the tender flesh underneath. It won't go through walls, though. The waves are too short. I've also not seen anything on the size of the beam, only that it is a beam. Could be pin-point, could be the size of a watermelon. Could be bigger. I would imagine a variable setting from single targets to a wide array beam is feasible. (Like I know anything about energy weapon technology. hah!)

For now, the ray gun (I mean ADS) will be mounted on Humvees to make them mobile and stable. It is expected to start seeing these used in Iraq and other hotspots in the very near future since a fully operational and mounted ADS was demonstrated at Moody Air Force Base (Ga.) on January 24th, 2007. The image to the left is an actual ADS mounted on a Humvee. The dish kinda looks like a parquet table we had in our rec room back in the '70s.

Raytheon, a defense contractor, and a very appropriately named one I might add, converted the larger scale ADS to something portable called the Silent Guardian. Soon you might feel the flash-burn sensation of a heat ray on your own skin if you manage to be some place police don't want you be. Like a riot. Or maybe just camping out in a tent under an overpass.

Until local law enforcement gets portable ADS, they can still use their handy TASERs, mace, and collapsible teflon-steel rods. And box cutters. Can't forget those useful box cutters.

There is some controversy surrounding the ADS, as one can well imagine. Critics of the technology are worried it might be used as more than a non-lethal deterrent. Fears are the technology may be turned to use as a torture device. You know someone will do it, at some point, just because they can. If it isn't us, it'll be someone else who gets the technology.

The future is here, my friends.

Which side of the ray gun are you on?

(PS - A Limited Edition, Platinum No-Prize to the first person who gets the title. hehe)

(PSS - blogger would not link my picture of the ADS equipped humvee whan the image name was ads_raygun. I had to change it to zapouch before it would show. Very, very odd.)

iBlog

A few days ago Apple announced a new product they are calling iPhone. It combines three products in one: a "revolutionary" mobile phone, a widescreen iPod with touch controls, and a "breakthrough" Internet communications device. The average price of the iPhone will be around $400 to $500 US. Pretty steep, but really not too far above what a typical top end cellular phone runs ... you just see them much cheaper because you usually sign a two year service contract which significantly lowers the price. Still, it costs as much as most low end desktop systems through places like Dell or HP.

The features sound pretty good, though.

The Widescreen iPod is 3.5 inches, which you get by flipping the iPhone on it's side. The music portion of the iPhone iPod runs upright. Controls for both are by touch on the screen. So you probably do not want to be using this while eating those greasy buffalo chicken wings. Well, unless you like smeared images of the Ofiice and Desperate Housewives, that is.

The actual phone portion also uses a touch screen to operate. The video demonstration online makes it's features seem clunky to use as you must first call up the phone, then call up whtever feature of the phone you would like to use ... such as the keypad to dial someone not in your phone book. I suppose you'd get used to it, but dinosaur that I am, I'd miss an actual numerical keypad ready when I want it without pressing three or four things to access it. The iPhone also comes with a voicemail system, a 2-megapixel camera, and SMS. That's Instant Messaging for those who don't know it. The keyboard is on screen and touch, which actually may be better than some of those teeny tiny button plastic ones other SMS phones use.

The Internet portion use Safari, a portable web browser, to surf the Web. You actually see the webpages as designed and can zoom in on the areas you wish to fully explore without eyestrain. E-mail is handled in full HTML and downloaded in the background from most POP3 and IMAP mail services. again, you get a cool touch screen keyboard to tap out those words of digital wisdom you want to fling through cyberspace. It also has a map system using Google Maps, as well as directions and traffic information. iPhone also has widgest, which are small applications that give you info you want like weather, stock tips, horoscopes, and other stuff in real time. You do need a Wi-Fi connection to use the Internet functions, however.

Purportedly, you can connect iPhone to your PC or Mac to sync data, as well. You could even postulate that upgrades, new features, and other goodies could be added by the same manner.

No mention on any gaming capability, but I imagine it is possible, and possibly even already available.

This is something kids will be screaming for this year, especially come next Christmas. It seems anything with an i before it automatically becomes a hot, sought after item. Prices may fall a bit by year's end, too. Or, cheaper, lower end models are made.

The way people lust after anything "i" related, I wonder if GW spun his little war as being in iRaq if the populace would be more for it? Then he could go after iRan, too.

Top 5 Cool Office Gadgets

Is the usual workaday getting you down? Need something new and exciting to liven up the typical office drudgery?

Then here are 5 cool office gadgets to help you do just that!

1. Shocking Stapler

Have you ever finished a report after long hours of research, typing, and collating, only to have your satisfied smile turn to an angry frown when your questing does not find your stapler on the desk where you left it? Then the Shocking Stapler is for you!

The next time someone asks to borrow your stapler, or tries to swipe it, they will be find it to be a hair raising experience! A mild shock is delivered through the metal top plate to unwary users. I've not seen any details as to how mild, but a few sites have warned not to use on young children, the elderly, or those in poor health. Unless, of course, you have a good insurance policy out on them. >_>

These fun, little jolters can be found almost anywhere with prices ranging from $4.99 upwards of $20. It also seems there are different makers and styles. Just Google "Shocking Stapler" and you'll find plenty. Joke shops and the like might also carry them. I couldn't find one at Staples or Office Depot. Go fig!

So, don't be like Milton in Office Space. Get a Shcoking stapler and shock the hell out of friends and co-workers today!


2. AC Ally II

Here's a cool gadget that will keep you cool at work.

When the temperature begins to rise, and the sweat begins its slow slide down between your shoulder blades, plug this little baby into your computer's USB port, snap on the fan, and faux tropical breezes waft across your sweltering body making you the envy of the typing pool!.

Ok, you also have to put a plastic bottle of frozen water inside it and risk the condensation and liquid making it's nefarious way into the fragile innards of your expensive computer, but .. hey, isn't a cheap breeze worth the risk? Besides, if you're at work, you probbaly don't own that computer anyway!

You can find this little breeze machine at Gadget Universe, along with other nifty gizmos.


3. Mini Water Dispenser

Now all the water cooler discussions can happen at your desk, where you can actually show co-workers those funny videos and pictures you found surfing the internet instead of working, and not just tell them about it.

Of course, this wee watering hole only dispenses about 8 glasses of water. and the "cooler" in it's name is misleading. The only way you'll get cool water is you freeze it in the bottle first and drink it as it melts. But, it'll save you trips to the breakroom allowing you that much more time to find funny pictures on the web!

Actually, this is something I may actually buy for my desk at the Roost offices. It'll save me from getting up to get water during my marathon blogging sessions, or those even more important Guild Wars missions. ("Hey, where'd Raivynn go? She was supposed to be the healer tonight?" *death rattle*)

Now if they's only make acompanion Mini Port-O-Potty, I'd never have to get up!


4. The Businessbib

Just for you men. The video says it all.

If interested, you can find it here.


5. USB Rocket Launcher

Next time that bozo in cubicle 103A fires rubber bands at you, be prepared for swift and total retaliation with the USB Rocket Launcher! Or, precipitate a war by firing on unsuspecting co-workers who make you look bad by acually *gasp* working!

The Rocket Launcher is about 7 inches tall and plugs directly into your computer's USB port, and can be operated via keyboard with the software included on a CD. The 3 soft foam rockets can be launched 5 to 9 feet, and may be easily aimed with the 180 degree rotation and 45 degree angle launcher. Get two and have a war at work!

This might also be good for those times when family members bother at home while you are trying ot surf the 'Net or play a game. Or, you could just use a ratty old tennis ball, like I do. ~.^

You can find these all over the web, too. Just search for USB Missile or Rocket Launcher.